2011. I could almost say I have no words at this point. Except. . .I am a girl and I haven't yet reached my daily limit of 524,789,654 words yet. So type I must.
I know I've gone on and on and on. . .and on about this past year but it really has been one for the record books. A year ago everything was humming along at such a controlled pace. We had just returned from a family vacation to DisneyWorld (FYI, I HATE that place. Happiest place on earth my arse!) We were preparing to leave for Hawaii and I had just completed my preliminary testing/procedures to begin IVF which was slated to begin in just two short weeks.
Then we went to Maui, and ALL HELL BROKE LOSE!
And yes, all caps were very necessary to emphasize the severity of that statement.
Chad got an unexpected opportunity to practice law in Arizona that he really wanted to pursue. The VERY next morning I found out I was pregnant. I'll never forget too how it all unfolded.
I ahem, am a very regular gal if you know what I mean. Well. . .I was eight hours late, yes that is how incredibly regular I am. There must me some kind of reward for that or something. I decided to go over the the Safeway that was right by our hotel. My mom saw me leaving and upon me telling her where I was going she decided she couldn't miss out on this. We bought the test, the entire time convincing ourselves that it couldn't be possible. Came back to my room, she waited in the powder area of our bathroom while I took the test. I came out and we both STARED at it for two minutes. Starring while those two blessed lines appeared. At the time though, sheer panic was flooding through me. I mean, I was still adjusting to the news that we were moving to Arizona.
This makes me smile now though. My mama, love that woman! So, here we are frantically looking through the instructions of the test that have been folded at least ten times, those things are like accordions. To see maybe if in Hawaii two lines means. . ."whoa, cool dude that was like such a close one, but you're totally cool, rock on."
As we are doing this my mom says to me, "Jamie, I think it might be a good idea to wait to spring this on Chad, I mean he kinda might freak out a bit, don't cha think? Just wait, I don't know like two more months."
!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
The second those words escaped her mouth, Chad walked into the bathroom and sees all the evidence, looks at me and exclaims !!!!!"WHAT'S THAT DOING HERE!!!!"
Needless to say he was a bit taken aback. I'm surprised though looking back how faithful he was in that moment. I am crying..., he hugs me and tells me that this is fine. That it will be great. (If this doesn't make sense why it was such a big deal to be pregnant when we were going to be doing IVF anyways; we were doing IVF to screen out our boys' genetic disease, hyperinsulinanemia. They both are affected and have been through hospitalization, surgeries, etc.)
We were doing IVF so that we could get a 'sure' thing and have an easier time of it.
. . .we make plans and God laughs.
Oh does he laugh.
That is the thing though. He laughs because he knows; knows that his way is better.
As I laid in bed today cuddling with Jack I thought of how I have been given every single thing I asked for. Not how I envisioned it, but; as I think on my specific things I yearned for I have been blessed with.
I enjoyed nursing Lily and how sweet it was laying next to her, nursing her. Upon finding out that Jack had down syndrome I thought my dreams of nursing another child were gone or at least it would be incredibly difficult. I had also prayed and prayed and wanted a healthy baby that I could bring home with me from the hospital. After being in the NICU with both boys for months and then having the wonderful experience of bringing Lily right home. I wanted that again, so much.
Anticipating the feeding issues, I must have read for twenty hours total how to nurse a baby with down syndrome and all the potential pitfalls there would be. Talked with dozens of moms to see what they had to say about their experiences.
Jack came out; and everything was completely natural. He knew just what to do and had the strength to do it. It may seem like a silly thing to many but I know I can see that I got exactly what I asked for. Further, I wanted a healthy baby that I could bring home from the hospital with me. We did just that.
Against all the odds Jack had going for him, he thrived. Nursed, breathed, fought. His small body even with his heart defect was the picture of health. He has averaged triple the "normal range" of weight gain for the down syndrome child. He rolled over two weeks before the "normal range" for healthy babies. Jack soars against all the odds and has taught this mama much.
2011 was the craziest, emotional, depth of sorrow and height of joy year that I have ever experienced. On this side of it though; I look back, and see how simply awesome it all just was.
I've grown so much this year. I've gone on and on and on all over this blog about this but it just can't be said enough. Take this one piece of advice from me: if you're suffering or disappointed about something, whatever it is; have faith, and be of good cheer.
This hymn comes to mind and I couldn't put it any better;
count your many blessings, name them one by one. And you will be astonished at what the Lord has done.
. . .I cannot wait to see what 2012 will bring to us.
