Becoming bold.

This year alone I have (1) killed an eight foot rattle snake, (2) turned off an exploding gas water heater, (3) caught and killed a mouse in my living room, (4) shooed out five birds from my living room, (5) captured a lizard next to my bed and released it into the wild, (5) killed four ten inch lizards, (6) killed far too many scorpions, (7) hiked for eight hours up a river with four children and (8) told off a woman who was rude to my children.

During the situations involving wild animals especially I am usually crying and shouting, "where's your dad?!?!" but, nonetheless, I handle them like a boss. I was daydreaming at church today (during my calling in Primary (I was obviously very naughty in the preexistence)) thinking about some of these situations and how being responsible for other peoples well-being can make you bold--better than you are without that responsibility. That sometimes you face horrible, terrifying situations because you know nobody else can, or will, and it must be done.

Take that flipping snake for instance. Rattlesnakes are territorial and I knew that if I didn't kill it--it may very well have come back tomorrow to bite my Jackie. So shooing it away was not an option--it needed to die and, at the time, I was the only one around to do it. So like a boss--in shorts and flip flops--I took its head off with a shovel.

It's been about twelve years since I became a mother and it's really only in looking back that I see how far I have come. I'm happy with the things I've accomplished; proud of where I am in this moment, which isn't to say I'm where I'd like to be, but I've grown. I'm content with the progression. It's reflections like these where I wax serious and feel the urgency to teach my children: courage, strength, independence, wisdom, compassion, charity, kindness, even. . . thriftiness (my enemy). I know that the best lessons aren't taught but rather seen. So I carry on everyday, more committed to trying to be these things than I was yesterday.

I'm a bad blogger (and possbily mother, wife, friend, daughter). . .

Nah: I'm awesome at that stuff--but a bad blogger for sure.

Things have been good lately, lots of paddle boarding and stripes apparently. Kids are getting out of school in about a week and I'm SO ready to not be waking up and making lunches at the butt crack of dawn (7am). Have I ever mentioned that I'm not a morning person? Ugh--me and Garfield--hate them.

What else? Lily still loves TY and is convinced she will marry him and may or may not have children--this is dependent on if I have yelled at her that day. If yes then no--"being a mommy is too hard" and if no yelling then she will have "maybe two. . .kids are just a lot of work". Luke is doing much better with school and emotionally--we've been doing a program twice daily (kill me now) and have seen good results.

Owie is his usual great self; Chad pointed out to me that on Clash of the Clans people often ask for troops to help when they are invaded and their teammates can decide to ignore their calls for help or send troops (you just got dumber simply by reading that). Well, there is a score keeping page where you can see everybody stats, etc. and Owen had sent like 1,000 x's what the average player sends. Just sums him up--such a great kid, wants to help.

Jackie is babbling away and listening intently on conversations then piping in with a string of undecipherable sounds and noises--we basically love it. He's also running everywhere, jumping (on our new trampoline!---only took 12 years to wear Chad down on that one) and demanding yogurt every thirty-eight minutes.

It was definetly for real.

Every so often one of these children of mine say something utterly hilarious, ridiculous or bizarre. Occasionally it will be all three: "UGH!!! I just threw up. . .for real."

In case you can't already tell this is her wedding veil that she will marry when she marries either Garron or Ty--girl's got options ya know!

Want more Lily'ism's? Let me set the stage: Jack has just spilled about four hundred cheerios on the floor, Lily is walking by when she notices and remarks, "it's stuff like this that makes me think. . .nah better to be a POP star." (instead of a mom)

---who can argue with this logic.

Welcome to my new place. . .

If you're reading this then my directions got you here, congratulations on being good with directions! I've been meaning to blog more and add my design ideas to my person blog so I thought it time for a move from Texasmeads to a place where all my thoughts, rants and ideas could co-mingle.

Here I will continue to opine about my life, motherhood, the outdoors but I'm also going to share more of my design ideas, projects and hopefully use this blog as a means to get design work! I love projects and am often asked by friends and friends of friends for help with their homes and am trying to make the transition more official by adding my services tab for those interested in working with moi!

Mostly I plan on working in the Phoenix area but who knows--maybe they're be a demand for me in North Dakota? For this I have my E-design services. I'm excited about this new venture doing what I'm truly passionate about.

Sometimes we blow it.

Growing up is a hard, messy business; filled with do-overs, amazing triumphs, and regrets over how we wish we would have acted. Friday was such a day for Owen.

Owen, Luke, Lily and Garron (Owens' friend) were all walking home from the bus stop after school on Friday when some older kids who live in our neighborhood started picking on Luke. One of these kids, Justin, reached in and took half of Luke's Valentine's Day candy. Then Shaddy, another older kid, called Luke a gaywod. Justin shoved Luke so that he tripped and fell. Then, Shaddy laughed in Luke's face.

Owen walking behind, witnessing all of this.

Justin pushed Luke again and they both continued ridiculing and taunting Luke. Finally, Garron told them to leave Luke alone and got pushed for his trouble (way to be Garron!). Luke ran home and buried his head in his pillow, sobbing.

Moments later, Owen walked in and saw me with Luke. He tried to pretend that he didn't know what was going on. After I finished comforting Luke, I took Owen aside and told him that this is the most disappointed that I have ever been in him. I teared up a bit and told him that he blew it back there, royally. One of the most important things you can do in your life is to have the courage to stick up for your family, even if you're scared.

Owen was sobbing at this point and pounded his fists against the wall saying, "I'm just so mad at myself! I kept thinking while it was happening, 'if Justin does one more thing, I'll step in,' but I didn't and now I can't take it back. UGH, I'm just SO sorry! I didn't want to get into a fist fight with Justin and I knew that if I said something we would, so I didn't. I know that I should of, but I didn't and now I'm so mad at myself!!" he wailed.

We went and sat down in another room. I told Owen that sometimes we totally blow it when it counts, and today that happened to him. Luke needed his big brother--who is WAY bigger than either of those boys--to stick up for him and show those kids that the Meads stick together. That even if you get the crap kicked outta you--you stand up for your people when they get picked on. (Later, I did just this thing; retrieving the candy and an apology from the offending boys.)

I told Owen that at these moments we show what we're all about. Yes, it's hard sometimes and yes, it's going to be embarrassing or unpopular sometimes, but that's when it matters most. We hugged and the last thing I told him was to use this experience--how badly he felt right then--to make sure that the next time--there will certainly be a next time--to do what's right.

Let's aim to be courageous, not cowardly.

Conversations and insights:

Friday night, Chad and I were talking about families and kids with friends. Sometimes we can't believe that we of all people have four kids! We're both pretty impatient--not touchy, feel-y types--and we both have just enough selfishness to make it a battle between doing what the kids needs vs. what we want to be doing. And we both love us some freaking peace and quiet! Impossible with four little ones about.

Chad made a passing comment that resonated with me and I couldn't believe that I had never put words to it, he said, "yea, I don't really feel like we have four kids though; it seems closer to three. We have the older three but Jack, well it feels like he's all of ours."

 

And it's so true; he is all of ours, and it's more than the baby of the family feeling too.

We simply adore him; his victories are our victories because he is ours. He learns how to give five? Well, that boy is giving fives out like it's going out of style, yesterday Lily said to a stranger, "hey, if you hold your hand out my little brother will give you five!"

When Owen's friends come over to play, Jack is in the mix the entire time. All of Owen's friends love Buster (why Buster? well, because he busts things, of course!). He cries for something and Garron or Eli will pick him up and soothe him all on their own; he belongs to a lot of people. It's an interesting insight into our family dynamic that I hadn't quite pinpointed yet. An insight that, as a mother to a child with down syndrome (and all the uncertainty that comes with that)--is calming. Fears of who's going to take care of Jackie when we are gone? melt away into the backdrop of three small faces who are pulling for our boy.

I need to keep a running tally. . .

of things to teach each differnt child: 

Lily--when wearing a dress keep your knees together.

Luke--when taking photos, smile and open your eyes.

Jack--keep being darling.

Owen--you too.

 

They're a pretty cute bunch, even if their mother is sometimes derelict in her duties.