Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Mountains make me feel weathly

One of my aunts (VV!) lives in Utah and her house backs up to a mountain. This made a HUGE impression on me and I always wanted a similar landscape when I grew up. Whenever we visited we would always go hike the mountain and I absolutely loved it!

Grew up I did and live on a mountain I did! Yay! I go out on these trails at least four times a week and run/walk and solve the worlds (or at least mine) problems with girlfriends. Occasionally armed with my pepper spray I go it alone and thanks to the endorphins and music I come home thinking I can just about do anything. This part of my life brings me so much joy and makes me feel richly blessed.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


I'm waxing serious today, my apologies.
We've had two hospital adventures this past month and the day after the first one I was chatting with Eda. She called to see how I was recovering from the prior two days events. I was in the car just finished with a yoga class and on my way to Trader Joes, she commented to me that I sure do bounce back from craziness quickly.

I thought about it and thought YES! --I'm sure trying. I probably didn't always used to but once you have been through ALL of the insane medical insanity we've been through (I thought about doing a funny list here but then thought---that'd take forever to write!) your perspective kinda changes. That and I've seen WAY WAY worse. I've seen babies that will never leave the hospital, babies leave their family, kids and families endure so much adversity that your heart could break.

The thing of it is, we are in for it. This life is for growth and learning--so you better believe you will be challenged to your limits, and you're never done. Death is beginning to sound not so bad, eh? I kid, I kid.

Crappy, difficult things are bound to happen to everyone. Learning to be able to pick that ball up and run with it is something I aspire to do and I love seeing it in others. People that are sucking the marrow out of this life. Why the hell not! Life's pretty awesome! Fall down; get back up and run to something better.

Leave yesterdays bad day there, don't bring it into the totally awesome day that's staring you in the face today.
This photo showcases a vintage dress given to me by the lovely Eda...plans for it...

Monday, February 25, 2013

Dear babies

A note on regrets:
Five weeks ago Jack had a little surgery to repair his herniated incision from his open heart surgery. He was having another procedure done already (circumcision--if you must know) and the doctor suggested doing it since he'd already be under anesthesia. The hernia wasn't bothering anything and would only bulged out when Jack cried or used his abdominal muscles. It was the size of maybe a large marble. But--since he was already going under we thought, "why not"

Well. . .five weeks later this decision has proven to be a giant mistake and continues to be a thorn in our sides. The incision has been infected twice already, causing a hospital stay, is now larger than a golf ball and just tonight I noticed that it appears to be getting infected AGAIN.


Here's the thing babies: if I could go back and not do it--I absolutely freaking would! But, I can't so what will I do with that? . . .learn from it. Be more cautious in the future? Consider the potential upside and weigh that against any possible downside? Yes; both of those things. But I won't beat myself up over it (okay--a tiny bit).

People often say that they have no regrets. This is ridiculous. I have regret. I don't let it interfere with moving forward though. Use it, learn from it but don't let it hold you hostage. Forgive yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. Move forward--wiser for the wear. Maya Angelou famously wrote that she "wouldn't take nothing from my journey"

AMEN Maya! This is so true--looking back I can see how some of my bad choices or just the breaks of life caused me to grow substantially and that without them I wouldn't be where I currently am.

No? --even when you were doing it you knew it was stupid? Forgive yourself. AND STOP DOING STUPID CRAP. Remember, if someone ever offers you Meth; your mother painstakingly cut up your food so you wouldn't choke. Remember that.

Monday, February 11, 2013

PAUSE (!!!!!!)

Lily doing some posing during my pantry organizing binge (in a construction paper skirt that girlfriend made herself). Awe-ya.

A hilarious thing that Rubby does every.single.time she watches a movie. Here's the rundown:
1) mom puts dvd into dvd player
2) previews play and homescreen pops up
3) Lily shouts out "MOM, PAUSE please!!!!!

***even the boys won't correct her because she is too darling***