Dear babies;

Dear babies is a new thing I'm doing!!! It's a weekly (hopefully) letter where I opine about life, things I've learned and any other random tidbit I'm wanting to pass along to Owie, Luker, Rubby and Jackie pad.

Eda and I conquering Camelback Mountain last week

Dear babies,

Your dad and I love to take walks together, when we were at Utah State we lived in married student housing that was right next to a cemetery. Little do you guys know but your dad and I are night owls, WE COME ALIVE AT NIGHT (immediately after we put y'all in bed at 7:30----it's party time). Well, quite often around one or two am we'd take long walks around that cemetery and the Utah State campus. We no longer walk around a cemetery but we still love to be out late at night together walking around. We chat about everything and nothing but our walk yesterday got me thinking. . .

We were talking about faith and times in our life where we felt embarrassed by our lack of faith in Heavenly Father. The first one was back in Chad's first year of law school. He had applied for law review; painstakingly written his paper (like a solid month---written), gotten high grades, praying and fasting our little hearts out and we were waiting and waiting and WAITING to hear if he'd made it.

News trickled in for one friend, then another, they were in. Two more days passed, no news for us. Hours into the third day of waiting and hope was lost. We felt that we had done our part, done everything within our power, drawn upon the powers of the Lord to no avail. Then, within the hour of losing faith we got word----Chad was in. He had made it. We knew that being on law review would be a pivotal part in his career and it happened.

Immediately upon getting word we both felt ashamed. Ashamed that we had lost faith in our Heavenly father to bless us with our righteous desire.

The next thing that we reminisced about though was a little different than this situation.

Having faith in Heavenly Father to bless you with the desires of your heart is one thing but what about having faith when Heavenly Father has a different plan for you than what your heart desires? Lemme tell you what, that's a hard pill to swallow!

When we moved from our beloved Texas to Arizona we were so sad!!! We loved our lives there, I was expecting Jackie pad and we thought we had it all. Soon after we moved to Arizona we found out Jackie had down syndrome and needed to have heart surgery. A cloud of sadness encompassed us. . . we felt alone. Many tears were shed, our burdens and a heaviness of heart zapped the joy from our days. Those days turned into weeks as time passed. Jackie came and showed us just how wrong we were, about all of it.

The desert that once appeared barren and desolate now radiated in every direction. The thing is; whether it be the desert, Jackie's condition or whatever it may be: those things didn't change. What changed was our ability to see what was always there. Let go of what you desire and open yourself to a bigger dream God may have for you. A better one.

Have faith that your Father in Heaven loves you, knows you and has big big big wonderful things in store for you. . .even if at first it doesn't appear that way.

****
One more thought for today before I go, a quick word on tattoos dear babies. There's the whole argument --your body is a temple so don't defile it, blah blah blah. While I would also agree with this belief I have one more to add. The thing is; we change, we get older and our interests change. When asked by friends about this subject I always say, "for me, I don't feel that strongly about anything that I want to wear it for the next eighty four years (yes, I'm planning on living for A LONG TIME), I'm too fickle."And, dear babies, you are too. If you ever find yourself in a tattoo parlor about to pull the trigger on a: Chinese symbol, Tweety bird, anything on the small of your back remember this---->

When Owie was four he freaking loved loved loved, thought he'd never get over it loved, played and wanted everything in the world to be. . .Dora the Explorer.

You've cat to be kitten me right meow.

Always remember. . .mama loves you.

Somebody should probably stop this.

****if you can assist in stopping her from growing up, please contact me****

Notice the pants. Isn't she freaking darling?!?  Lily is about six months old here. I bought this outfit when I was pregnant and sooooo excited about having my girl. It was one of my favorite outfits of hers and I loved putting her in it. When the time came to get rid of it, I just couldn't do it. I thought I'd hang onto it and she could dress her dolls up in it one day.

That or squeeze herself into it. . .

I guess she's entered my world of squeezing into clothing that I shouldn't be wearing. ;)

Family picture time, que reality check.

 Even with my extra chin, I loved this photo.

It's not that I think I'm incredibly beautiful or that, but. . .my mental image is different than reality. Happens every year too. Even though last years was possibly the WORST. Take it from me, do not schedule family pictures when you're baby is S.I.X. weeks old. You will look fat, possibly because you are fat. :) True story.

Goes to show how my memory works. Every November I'm delivered a healthy slap in the face: you.aren't.as.cute.as.you.think.you.are. To cope I eat my way through December do some self-loathing in January because of aforementioned December behavior and by February I've forgotten step one in this vicious cycle. Oh well.

Maybe one day I'll find something I like about my Indian nose.

I do like my other Indian features: hair and cheeks. But darn my great-grandma for falling in love with a Scottish-man! I'm cursed with pale pale pale skin. My mom always reminds me that when she was pregnant with me she prayed and prayed for certain features: thick-nicely shaped eyebrows, height, to not be as pale as she was and  to have "fat pads" on my arms.

Ugh.

Thanks a lot mom. Fat pads!!!!!! When questioned about this she simply says, "Well, I was always just so skinny and couldn't gain weight and I didn't want you to have my same skinny arms."

. . .wow. Um, thanks A LOT mom, saved me from that!!! (love you mom!) Validation did come though with regard to my nose when unquestioned she offered, "yeah, I forgot about the Lindsay nose though, sorry. . ."

Can I get a cheer?

(Jack photobomb)

Who are your cheerleaders?

****

This morning I went for a quick walk before I took Jack to his weekly OT appointment. Usually I walk, hike, paddle board with friends so we chat about our lives, loves and problems of the day. Today though it was just myself and my thoughts. All three of us!  I do love my sense of humor I must say. Anyho.

My thoughts turned to the people that surround me. I celebrated my 35th birthday last week and fell asleep feeling well loved. It is a rich life when you're surrounded by not only a family that you love but friends as well. A morning hike with my hiking partner where we talk about big life stuff and also what lotion we're crushing on. A lunch to follow where friends take time to gather, visit and say nice, wonderful (slightly embarrassing) things about you where they give you thoughtful gifts that show just how well they get you. Phone calls and visits throughout the day left me feeling practically like a rockstar! Not to mention the flowers Eda created and brought over that are essentially living art.

It got me thinking about all these women; my cheerleaders. How meaningful they are to me and how important it is to surround yourself with good cheerleaders. People who bring out the best in you, hold and love your babies, laugh at the insanity of motherhood with you, remind you of your husbands good qualities, commiserate about the bad, forget about what you said yesterday and remember that to you raisins in cinnamon rolls is an abomination.

While in the throws of raising a young family these relationships pick me up, encourage me to be better, and tell me I'm good enough.