Monday at 12:31 I will not be pregnant. Okay, I probably still will be but almost done. My scheduled c-section is at 12:30. I AM READY. EXCLAMATION POINT.
I am ready to not be so huge, so uncomfortable, so complainy. Mostly though I am ready to lay eyes on my son, Jack. He will be named after his father because I cannot think of anybody better for him to model his life after. Chad and I have deliberately not said anything to his brothers or sister about his challenges to come. I want them to know him first and foremost as their brother. Because at the heart of it that is the most important thing about him right now; brother, son, child of God. Even though Owen would be the only one who would probably be able to grasp the meaning, but still.
The past couple of months have marked a progression for me. Upon finding out the news that he has down syndrome, I often would think of him only in conjunction with that condition. I'm not sure if it part of the healing/grieving/acceptance process but now I can honestly say I'm just excited to meet my son. It wasn't ever that I didn't feel that for him, I guess it's just that, that was what I knew so far of him.
When I think of him now it is often a thought of, I wonder what color his eyes will be, will he have hair, will he have hair like Owen (all over his body!), how big will he be? Things like that. One thing I do know of him, is he is super active. Kicking me all day and night, my most active child. He can even sense when there is something on my/his belly. I'll gently lay my hand on my belly and he will kick it until I move it. I've even tried to outlast him, leaving my hand there for thirty minutes before he won and I moved my hand.
Owen and Luke have both been astonished to see him moving around, "whoa, that is weird mom!" "wow, look at him moving!" They both love to see him move and talk about how it's going to be so fun when he is here and running around playing with us. Lily thinks the actual belly button is the baby and that she is having one too. I put the car seat in the car today and she was perplexed, "no, mama, I'm the baby." Let the d-throwning begin.
Ready to hold him, rock him in his chair, mug on him, love him.
I LOVE your perspective. And I love that you only have 3 days left. And I love the name Jack. And I love your nursery. And I think you are in total trouble if this one is more active than Lily. And that's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteI so enjoy reading your blog. I have been touched by your faith and love through this experience. I can tell that little Jack is coming to an amazing home. Praying that all goes well with the delivery and I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of your new one. Take Care Mead family! Robyn
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