Anew.

Introducing. . .Jackson Chad Mead. Born 10:54 a.m. on Saturday the 24th of September 2011.

Where do I begin. Jackson has been with us for twelve days. Our lives are forever changed. I've been wanting to share cute little things that have happened but haven't. Because first I need to tell you how amazing Jack is but whatever words I come up with feel inadequate. From the moment he joined us he has given us tender mercies that show us Gods love for us. Against all the odds, this child has come to us; thriving. Seeing Jack quieted all my fears, knowing him as my son, that whatever was or wasn't didn't matter. Jack has come exactly as he should be, our gift that we get to enjoy, encourage and take pride in.


It has been interesting examining my feelings through the stereotypes of what "normal" is. Looking at my son who isn't, and it not mattering. Any sadness or disappointment that creeps in isn't from my feelings for him but rather through my fears for him. How will people treat him, how will his health fare, will he ever know how much I adore him?

All of us come into this world with deficiencies, some more obvious than others. Most of ours are on the inside, weakness that we need to work on, improve so that we can become more complete individuals, better than we began. I'm reminded of the scripture in Ether; "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."



Jack's differences are obvious, his sweet almond eyes, his right toes that are webbed almost to the top(!), his two little lips that turn downward, and soon he will bear a scar on his chest from his heart surgery. These differences aren't the sum total of who Jack will be. We don't get to know that part yet, but what we do know we absolutely love.

I feel like Jack was given a pep talk before coming. In every situation he has made it the absolute easiest it could possibly be. Finally having him here after months of trying to push away fears, none of which have been realized. So much healing, bonding and loving. Hours of laying next to Jack, nursing him have healed whatever wounds my heart suffered. Replaced now with a deepening love for my child. An appreciation of who he is and gratitude to be his mama.


This time with Jack has been nothing short of joy. In the quiet of the night, I sit and nurse and rock Jack. Alone with my thoughts as I look on at my son. Feeling those oh so familiar pangs of sleep deprivation I will close my eyes. But then, moments later I almost cannot stand it and I open them again, wanting nothing more but to look and stare, searching for those fleeting moments where I lock eyes with my boy.

. . .hello son, I'm so happy to see you.