Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A new day.

No, I'm not rocking out to Taylor Swift in this moment. I am sitting in a silent dark hospital bed feeling love, gratitude and humility. I am sure that my words will not be able to entirely express these sentiments but I will make an attempt.

Tomorrow we leave the hospital first thing. Jack is better; all is well. But he isn't the only one who is changed for the better; this entire experience has forever changed me.
Photo on 2-1-12 at 7.51 PM #3
Change often gets a bad rap. It is looked at as something that we often unwillingly embark upon because we have no alternative. A push if you will; a gently nudge to do something that will help us grow. I find myself softening, I would never say that I was a hard person by any regard but I find myself looking at everyone with kindness in my heart. Compassion. Holding eye contact a brief moment longer, smiling more generously, taking moments with people who I maybe would have never noticed. These outward expression of kindness is simply a result of my inward feelings spilling out.

I hope this comes across in the true nature this is intended. I'm not trying to get up here and declare how wonderful I am. I hope you sense that.

This change; this softening is a wonderful feeling. Heartwarming is the best adjective I could probably use. I am so grateful for these feelings. Whatever small happiness I am able to share by virtue of this is minuscule in comparison with what I receive. I feel within me a broad sense of well being, of purpose. These feelings grow and I can almost feel my shoulders pushing back accepting them more deeply, a warmth encompasses and accompanies me.

In Proverbs it says, "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."

Brilliant. You feel love and kindness for your fellow man then you are symbiotically filled up yourself. And that, that is what I mean when I say whatever kindness I give is minuscule in regard to what I receive. It almost feels like cheating. You do something for another; they feel better, but you? You feel ah-mazing.

Needing people, having to humble yourself and ask for help is hard for me.

No. . .no, um I don't need any help, I got this. I can do hard things all by myself; thank you very much.

But this time, with so much on the line I opened up. Begged for help from anyone who would listen. I asked the Target checkout lady who was admiring Jack to please pray for him as he was having heart surgery next week, just to give you an idea.

. . .and that single act of my humbling myself and asking for help began a monumental shift within. Without you, all of you, it would not have gone to the depth and breadth that it did. I asked you to pray for Jack, for me; give us comfort, guidance, safety and peace.

I have never had an experience that even touches what I have felt. The power of your prayers has been felt so deeply I cannot adequately express my thankfulness. I needed the comforter to accompany me in this difficult time. I anticipated this week being the most difficult trying time of my life. It hasn't been. Every step of the way I was so infused with the power of the spirit that fear and doubt crept away.

Troubling things would come up in Jacks recovery, I always felt a peace that things would work out. What a blessing this was! I know that prayer is powerful. That it works. That even in moments of absolute fear and panic there can be a gentle calm within.

You gave this to me. Through the generosity of your love and goodwill I felt what it truly meant to love your neighbor.

5 comments:

  1. We love you. And Jack. And Chad.

    And I think the pic of Lily's hair on sunday should make this blog. Just sayin. I'm not partial to my mad skills.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So happy for your whole family! Praise god for fast healing! We'll continue to pray for your family in the future and have enjoyed following your blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderful news. So happy that Jack is recovering so quickly. Now everyone can get some rest at home.
    Thank you for updating.

    ReplyDelete
  4. so happy to hear that all is well. thanks for your example.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jamie! I swear I check your blog every hour, you can't update enough. I am so glad for your sweet little family and Jack. Especially for you, i can't imagine all of the emotions you were feeling. Sending prayers and love.

    ReplyDelete