Time.

The passage of time is a surety of life; but the feeling of time passing is perplexing. Sometimes it feels like it is racing past and I am an audience member watching my life fly by. Other times it feels like I've hitched a ride on a turtle and I'm meandering through.




A week from today our life will be different. I pray that it will be in the way that I wish. I've been dreading this day and now it is upon us. Wednesday 8:00 AM.





It's been about a week since Jack went on the books for surgery. Time has since been flying by. When it's 114 degrees out and the summer just won't be over fast enough; time, takes it's sweet little time. But now, when I want to put it on a perpetual slow motion loop it marches on. Happens with lots of different things, and it's different for different people. Take Christmas; when I was a kid it felt like it was never going to be here and I swear it was just Halloween and now Christmas' come and gone.

The spirit of contentment I think controls the feeling of time passing.

The happier you are to be in whichever moment you are in; time passes more normally. I've slowed from my usually rabbit pace through the days to more of a deer's pace. Fast when the moment necessitates it but otherwise quietly taking in my surroundings. I almost said turtle's pace but I am still me, and I don't think even my pinky toe has that pace.

Usually I am doing three to four things at once all day long. Or at least planning them out in my head while doing one thing. These days I've taken to my bed often. I lay with Jack looking on at him while he eats. In those moments I am most content. I do not need to control my mind from moving onto this or that, I am present; I enjoy him. He takes his hand out and feels around my face now. Another milestone reached.

This makes me cry as I type that sentence. I want nothing more than to come here and tell everyone of the next ones he reaches. More than anything. Taking a moment. . .

Back.

I've had this little monster in my house since finding out that Jack must go through this. I'm looking forward to getting him out of my linen closet. I haven't had to deal with him yet. Time is bringing me closer and closer to that door, hour by hour. Almost time to open that door and greet the little stinker.

I don't want Jack to go through this but he must. I'm preparing by slowing down; taking Jack in, smelling him; important things. Small things that are often taken for granted and raced past, unnoticed. Not now. I am savoring every moment that I can get my hands on.

This is one thing I hope I never forget: to live with this razor sharp intention to simply, pay attention.